But it wasn’t really the heroes’ fault, of course. The blame lies with screenwriters who seemed to be allergic to the notion of marriage for recurring characters. We all know the real reason for this, of course: they wanted the opportunity to write romance episodes as often as they liked, and a steady love interest—let alone a wife—would get in the way. This meant that they were forced to get quite creative in thinking up ways to get rid of their female guest stars once they’d gotten the requisite number of romantic scenes out of them. The following is a list of methods, ranging from the cliche to the highly original, for a love interest to make her exit. Lest you think I’m just romancing (pun intended), let me add here that most, if not all, are drawn from actual TV Western episodes that I’ve seen myself:
1. She transfers her affections to someone else.
2. She decides that the West isn’t for her and catches the first train back East.
3. She never forgives you for having to shoot her no-good father or brother.
4. She gets caught in the crossfire of the climactic gunfight.
5. She dies of a fatal illness.
6. She turns out to be married already, and her husband suddenly turns up.
7. She turns out to be part of the outlaw gang. (Variation 7b., a con artist.)
8. She reveals a secret about her past that makes you change your mind.
9. She is offered a lucrative position and decides to eschew marriage in favor of a career.
10. She is told she has talent and decides to eschew marriage in favor of becoming an actress, singer, artist, etc.
11. She decides she’d rather stay with the Indians who captured her.
12. She enters a convent.
13. You promise to “come back for her,” but inexplicably never do.
14. It turns out that she doesn’t actually exist.
15. She simply changes her mind.
Have I forgotten anything?
So far as I know, the only TV Westerns that included a married couple among the regular cast of characters were High Chaparral and the last few seasons of The Virginian, when the third owner of Shiloh Ranch was a married man. Does anyone know if there were any others?
Fifteen Ways to Lose Your Love Interest (Or, the TV Western Writer’s Guide to Disposing of Female Guest Stars)
If you’ve watched classic TV Westerns for any length of time, you’ve probably noticed something about the recurring characters of any given series: they can’t seem to make a romantic relationship stick. This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as the Curse of the Cartwrights, but it is by no means limited to that one unfortunate family. (Or perhaps the Virginian was just a distant cousin of theirs; I don’t know.) If “the hero gets the girl” was a cliché of the Western film, serial television turned it on its head and took it to the opposite extreme—even the most heroic of heroes just couldn’t make it to the altar. The real-life Old West must have had its share of bachelors, surely, but they couldn’t possibly have been jilted, bereaved and left in the lurch as many times as the cowboys of the small screen.
Marian says
This is so true! I think The Virginian uses nearly every one of those methods (still my favorite TV show, though).
We were talking about the Western genre in my history class, and my professor pointed out that the classic/typical Western hero can never "settle down." It's part of the irony of his heroic role. Some of these TV shows do take it a bit far, though…
Hanne-col says
I laughed out loud when I read the title of this post. It is all very true though. Kind of nice to have a list put together though.
Ron Scheer says
I got a big kick out of this. In the early western novel, the situation is more one of how to keep the lovers apart until the last chapter. You could make an equally long list of plot devices which keep women from committing to their men.
Among the male characters, it's also sometimes a matter of not being able to support a wife in a style to which she is accustomed. He has to come into some money before a wedding is possible.
Elisabeth Grace Foley says
Marian – Yes, that's true—I guess it was the necessity of coming up with new adventures for those loners week after week that made them seem so continually unfortunate! 🙂
Hanne-col – Thanks! Glad you got a chuckle out of it. 🙂
Ron – I realized while making this list that one thing notable for its absence was the issue of difference in social standing between the lovers, something you do see frequently in those early novels. I guess that wouldn't have had as much meaning for a 1950s or '60s audience.
Caftan Woman says
We must content ourselves with being happy for all the actresses who got roles as love interests because the fellows were free.
I believe on "Bonanza" there was talk of having Adam marry. Actress Kathie Browne played his love on several episodes. Producers hoped the change in character might make Pernell more amenable to remaining on the show, but as we all know, he followed his itchy feet off the Ponderosa.
The saddest for me was when Richard Long married on "The Big Valley". The actress was Sandra Smith and the character was murdered. If I recall correctly, the shooter was aiming for Jarrod.
Elisabeth Grace Foley says
Yes, I guess so. I don't think I ever saw those Bonanza episodes—sounds like an interesting idea, and more unusual for the Ponderosa than anywhere else! I believe Kathie Browne was in The Virginian once…plot variation #7, with Trampas as the victim. 🙂
Allison Tebo says
*bursts out laughing* This was the best, and so true!!!
The one that really puzzled me though was the “doesn’t actually exist” – what??? 😛
I’m trying to think if there’s anything I can add to this one… Maybe she suddenly changes her mind at the end and goes with another guy or a previous flame? I think I’ve seen that one.
This whole trope often drives me crazy, because there have been times when I really shipped a main cowboy with a female guest star and then it DOESN’T HAPPEN. *fumes*
What did you think of The High Chaparral show, Elisabeth?
Elisabeth Grace Foley says
I remember seeing part of a Bonanza episode where Joe was at this town in the desert, and of course fell in love with a girl, and then at the end…it turned out that it was a ghost town, and either he’d dreamed the whole thing, or else all the people were ghosts?
Gotta give those Bonanza writers points for creativity, if nothing else. 🙂
I’m not very well acquainted with The High Chaparral! I know the premise of the show, and I vaguely recall my father watching some episodes of it when I was a kid, but I haven’t actually watched any episodes all the way through myself in recent years.
Olivia says
‘You promise to “come back for her,” but inexplicably never do.’ OKAY BUT WHY IS THIS SUCH A THING WITH LIKE EVERY TV SHOW EVER. xD
Great post. 🙂
E.S. Grayson says
Banking on the audience’s capacity to…forget things quickly, I guess? But yeah, I think that one is the MOST exasperating option on the whole list!
~ Elisabeth